How We Learn

Is Motivation Innate? Or Can “Drive” Be Cultivated?

I'm sure I might seem like the kooky "SAT lady" --  but if the truth be told, my obsession actually started out as an attempt to motivate my son (possibly ill conceived, I now realize).  From the get-go though, the question of how to engage a teenager in this universally loathed experience has been my driving force.

Here's what I was thinking:

A) A little competition from mom couldn't hurt.  Ten months in (and incidentally, the evening before his PSAT), I'll confess that I'm not sure the "competition factor" has had any impact whatsoever (though I don't think it hurt).

B) If I stayed a few steps ahead of him on the course, I might spare him some wheel-spinning, which I'd say has held true.

C) And then (I'll admit it), there may have been a hint yearning involved when I cooked up the plan -- i.e. wouldn't the chance to bond over this brief, yet momentous experience be profound.  (Thought bubble: "Before he's launched into the world......F O R E V E R.")

Unfortunately, I'm not sure I'm any closer to answering the question of how to motivate a teenager (beyond "good genes") -- though I guess we'll never know if he'd be less enthused by this process had I not stayed one step ahead of him in the trenches.

At the end of Talent is Overrated, Geoff Colvin attempts to answer the "what drives people" question:

"World-class achievers are driven to improve, but most of them didn't start out that way."

"Most significant, we've seen that the passion develops, rather than emerging suddenly and fully formed.  We've also seen hints that childhood may be especially important in how the drive's development gets started.  Anders Ericsson goes so far as to say, "The research frontier is parenting.  Push children too hard and they respond with anger. (Insert From Me: Yup)  You have to develop an independent individual who has chosen to be involved in this activity.  It's how you as a parent can make individuals feel freed to reach these levels and aware that this is going to be a long process."

The unsatisfying end of this story is that the work on the "parenting research frontier" apparently hasn't been done yet.  Colvin concludes that it really comes down to "What do you really want? And what do you really believe?"

I'm not sure I know too many teenagers who could answer these two questions with the necessary conviction and comittment. Honestly, I'm not sure I even started asking myself those questions until I hit my 40s.

Live Market Research: My son is taking the PSAT tomorrow, and I just yelled to him from the next room, "Do you believe?,"  to which he responded, without an iota of hesitation, or for that matter, without even looking up from Facebook, "Yes Mom."

If Geoff Colvin is even a little bit right about "what it takes," I'll take it!

Illustrations by Jennifer Orkin Lewis

 
15 Comments | posted October 11th, 2011
 
 
  • http://bubcap.com Rob

    I was an extremely lazy teenager. I had little motivation to study, much to my parents chagrin. I would lie about studying rather than actually study. And so my grades and SAT scores were far below what they could have been. My parents tried everything, but nothing seemed to be able to change my teenage behavior.

    Now that I'm in my mid-40s, I can say that I changed quite a bit over the years. I have started many businesses, and I can focus on my goals, regardless of the work involved. In my case, motivation could not be instilled in the short term, but I think the seeds of working hard that my parents planted finally sprouted when I was an adult. But my dad's mantra of "work before pleasure," which I heard so many times as a child, perhaps is partially to blame for me becoming a bit of a workaholic as an adult.

    I'm new to your blog, but from my perspective, test scores and the standard educational path are not for everyone, you can be intelligent and successful regardless (there are plenty of well-known examples).

    P.S. My cousin got a perfect score on the SAT!

    • http://www.perfectscoreproject.com Debbie Stier

      My story is very similar to yours. I was an average student in high school who didn't work very hard and scored HORRIBLY on the SAT. I was more the "creative" type. I found the magic of learning when I got to college, and I managed to have a successful career as an adult, despite my abysmal SAT scores in high school.

      BUT....I'm trying to doing it all differently now ;)  I'm trying to give MY kids what I thought I wanted when I was in high school (i.e. more more more love and attention!!!).  

      Re not being successful in school -- believe me, I know there are many many examples of those who did not do well and went on to be hugely successful, but I'd argue the ones we all hear about are more in the "outlier" category, rather than the rule.....like those very few actors who "make it" as movie stars. 

      It's not the message I'm sending my kids, for sure.  My message is more about keep as many options open as possible -- and, like your dad, WORK HARD!!!  (and be nice).  My son had an experience this summer of going to a math camp where all the kids were super smart and he was very excited by the idea of being with a bunch of really smart kids.  He got (at least then) why it's often more interesting to have that path available to you.

      All of this said, the last thing I said to my son this morning as I sent him off to take his PSAT, is that I'm the luckiest mom in the world, no matter what score he gets, you can not take back that this has been a memorable bonding experience.  He is THE SWEETEST kid in the world, and no matter how he does, I'll love him to pieces.

      And wow to your cousin.  What year did he/she? take it?

      • http://twitter.com/PaperclipRobot PaperclipRobot

        Thanks for your stories! Oh, and don't get me wrong, I had extremely loving parents. They only pushed me when I really deserved it (like when they found out I wasn't doing homework, etc.).

        Okay, to fess up, it's my first-cousin's husband who got the perfect score, and I'd guess that was 25 years ago. I was blown away to know (and like) someone who achieved that!

        • http://www.perfectscoreproject.com Debbie Stier

          I didn't get you wrong.  I assumed only the loving-est parents would push!  Though mine weren't the big pushers....and I keep meaning to answer that question, because a few people have asked me how I felt about that.

          I always say, I'm walking a mile in my son's shoes -- but the parallel story is that I'm also walking a mile in my mother's shoes.  I have a teenage daughter too -- and boy does she give me a run for my money (much more so than my son) -- and I have, on more than one occasion, called my mother and said I'M SO SORRY!  I GET IT NOW.

          I was not pushable.  Neither is my daughter.  My son is a still slightly compliant (on most days).

  • http://borderlessthinking.com Cherry

    I think the teaching and modeling of motivation has to come a lot earlier than the teenage years. By then it's too late - not that they won't ever become motivated in life - but too late for them to listen to us parents in terms of motivation for that stage of their life. My sons, 27 and 29 are both motivated in their own ways as adults but "pushing" them as teenagers was, all in all a dismal failure.

    • http://www.perfectscoreproject.com Debbie Stier

      I totally agree.  Specifically, what did you do when your boys were younger to motivate them (beyond modeling).  I ask everyone this question, btw!

      I can say that I certainly "modeled" hard work from the time mine were born -- but there are many things I know now about education and "how we learn" that I wish I'd known when they were much younger. For starters, I naively trusted the highly rated public schools in our town to do a great job -- while I did mine from my high rise office in the city.  

      Little did I know that my role with the schools needed to be much more questioning and active from the get-go, given the nature of my kids (and the public schools here....though I imagine it's a similar story everywhere.  If you're on one end of the spectrum, great.  If not, get on the conveyer belt.)I'd say my oldest was in early middle school when I finally accepted that I needed to take the reigns back on their education, and believe me, I came to this realization kicking and screaming and exhausted, without a minute to spare.By nature my kids are extremely social, and from what I can see, all of the suburban trappings make "motivation" even more difficult.  Do you know how often I hear "but NO ONE ELSE WORKS as hard as you make us work."  I told my son the other day, "Who's these people you keep referring to?  I promise you, those high scoring kids are working hard!"

  • Elise

    Oh heck...I had this whole comment I was going to make but it started to sound holier than thou so I deleted it:)  Right now I am in the mode of thinking I have screwed up as a parent so it just seemed sort of stupid to be giving my opinion!  I sort of hope that Cherry is not correct...or at least that her thought doesn't project into all areas.  I am currently thinking I screwed up my ninth grader and I'm trying to back pedal!  ha ha ha!  Question:  Can you turn a pessimist into an optimist?...if you get them by the time they are in ninth grade??...sigh.

    Well, I should look on the bright side, all three of my kids are more motivated than the average teenager...did I have anything to do with that?  Probably.  Will they eventually get burnt out and rebel?  I hope not.

    I find reverse psychology works really well but I'm not sure if it's the best method.

    One more point before I stop "not giving my opinion" (hee hee).  Lately I have been asking my kids directly what they think and feel (in very exact and direct questions)  and I am often surprised that what I thought they would say did not match with what was actually in their mind.  Have you asked your son directly if you have motivated him more?  Sometimes we think we know what they are thinking but we can be surprised by their answers to very pointed questions.  One of my problems is that I often approach something in a joking way and then pay attention to their reaction to try to guess how they feel about it instead of asking them in a serious way.  Sometimes I'm scared to hear the answers and sometimes I have not liked the answers they gave...but at least I knew their honest thoughts.

    • http://www.perfectscoreproject.com Debbie Stier

      First of all, I often have those "I must be a terrible mother" days.  And then the next day happens.

      I forget about reverse psychology (must employ more frequently).  

      And you know, I have NEVER asked my son what he thinks (what a concept!).  I'm not sure he is so great at assessing what motivates him (or not) -- unless I get him in right moment, but I'm headed upstairs in a minute to go ask him see what I find out.  

      Here's the really super good news:  he just got back from the PSAT and he seems to have enjoyed the experience -- just like his mama -- though hopefully his enjoyment factor will correlate more closely with his score than mine does.   Regardless, I almost feel like I can retire now. 

      I'm not sure I "motivated" him -- but I think my wacky method may have made it a little more fun for him, if that counts for anything.

      Stay tuned for reaction.....

      • http://www.perfectscoreproject.com Debbie Stier

        Ok, here's what I got:  He says that the fact that I'm doing this with him "helps" because he's never taken tests like these before, and it's helpful to have me tell him what it's like, but it doesn't "motivate" him.

        I then asked what does motivate him then, and he said "getting into a good college."

        Not sure if that's a stock answer -- but I think there might be a degree of authenticity to it, if only because he went to a math camp this summer with really smart kids who are interested in similar things (i.e. music and math), and he loved it, and now he sees the value of getting into a good college so that he can be with really smart people.

        What a revelation:  Just ASK him!!  Thanks for that advice Elise.  You are always so wise ;)

        • Elise

          If your son really likes math and science, you may want to have him look at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute once he starts looking at colleges.  I don't think it is considered  "top tier" but considered a great school and it is tough to get in.  The best part about it is that it is loaded with the kinds of kids who love math and science.  When I was dropping off my son this past weekend, I was talking with his best friend who also goes there.  He said that in high school the conversations you overhear in the hallways are "my girlfriend blah, blah, blah..."  At RPI the conversations sound more like "I was trying to solve this math problem last night..."LOL  The three clubs my son has joined are called Embedded Hardware Club, Electronics Club and The Astrophysics Society.  The first two clubs are joining together to make some quad copter spy flying thingy to enter into a contest where they can win $30K...The money would go back into the club but mostly my son wants RPI to beat MIT LOL!

          • http://www.perfectscoreproject.com Debbie Stier

            It's absolutely on our list.....and glad to hear such great personal experiences.

      • Elise

        I forget about the reverse psychology as well and end up employing it by accident when I've finally gotten to the point of "I give up nagging...just quit."  I think sometimes it's too easy for me to get into the role of nag and for them to sit back and rely on that nagging to make them get things accomplished...they start forgetting why they are even doing something in the first place...I recently saw this work with my daughter and running cross country....what's really funny is that as my older daughter just walked out the door I put in some last minute nagging.."did you start filling out that college application yet?"  Of course the answer was no!  LOL!

        • http://www.perfectscoreproject.com Debbie Stier

          That's it.  It's that exhausting, miserable, circle of nag.  They hate it, I hate it, and yet somehow we all depend on it.

  • http://twitter.com/PaperclipRobot PaperclipRobot

    Oops, just realized I'm logged in as a different commenter on this computer, but it's still Rob!

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